Tom is coming tomorrow! In about 14 hours, more precisely. I can't believe this is only the fifth time I've seen him since last August about this time, when I was leaving for Sweden. I can't believe it's been a year since I was leaving for Sweden! Where does time go when it passes us by?
I am very excited to move; but I think I'm more excited just to be out of my parents' house and more nervous to move than anything else. I don't have a job, I don't have an apartment and I don't want to compromise my plans for my life because of any obstacles I might come across. I am trying desperately to follow my heart, and to go wherever my soul is leading me. Whether that is biology and research or something completely different remains to be discovered. I can only try to allow the universe conspire with me for my success and greatness; and make as much luck as I can.
Regardless, I will be so happy to see Tom again. I feel like our super-long distance relationship has dwindled to the bare minimum. I have said before, I don't get the benefits of being single, because I'm not, but I also don't get the benefits of a relationship either. It's been extremely hard. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and now it's all coming to an end. Things can only get better when we are closer together.
We moved Leigh Ann into Purdue yesterday. Waking up before 7 to get ready and on the road made for a very long day, but it was so worth it. It's lucky she chose Purdue, so I had that day to see some of my friends who were around and moving in themselves, and also to reminisce a bit about my freshman year and BGR experiences. Leigh Ann's roommate seems really nice, I think they will get along well. Her name is Patera (pronounced Paytra) and she has a very warm Kentucky drawl. Leigh Ann seems to be enjoying BGR too, in ways that I never got to, mostly because my team leader wasn't all that great. Now of course, they are all spectacular. I heard they had over 900 applicants this year, of which only 500 are accepted. That's a huge number! I loved being a TL so much during my two years in Purdue Village and Harrison. It really is the best new student orientation in the country, and I wish desperately I could start it all over again.
Up at my sorority, things were sweltering in the no A/C land. And the new floor looked great! Everyone was the same, in a good way. Sarah Young and B Poe were already discussing the alcohol content of their room, Jenna Witte was singing in the hallways, Sledford, Carolyn, Colleen, Katie Kos, and Liz were all there...and Janell was there! I hadn't seen her in over a year since we studied abroad in opposite semesters.
I feel some regrets slipping in about how I treated my time in the house, and at Purdue in general. I think that the Academy made me cocky in a lot of ways, and that rooming with Chloe was great, but it may have ultimately been better for me to be with someone new. I should've, would've, could've done this, that, or the other. Meeting Tom when I did definitely shaped how I acted for the rest of my time at Purdue. I love him, and I wouldn't have changed anything about the way we met or our time together, but spending every weekend away from Purdue took a toll on some of my friendships and social life in general. I think people started thinking about me as snobby or introverted at times; the kind of girl who only hangs out with her boyfriend and never just goes out. And that is certainly not true, and not what I want anyone to think about me. I tried to get girls to come to Wabash with me and experience it the way I did; it wasn't just about me hanging out with Tom, those boys and those parties were the best I've ever had. Some of the nights spent at Lambda Chi just turned out so perfectly that words can't describe them. I still can't help but regret the nights I missed with my sisters in some way. The hungover breakfasts and lunches and frat drama and girl bonding.
Now I'm getting in too deep. I'm just nostalgic because I'm moving and my life is changing so much. I want to hang on to everything, everyone. It's like graduating from high school, or moving to the Academy. Things change, and I can't stop it. I should know that by now. I'll have to make a whole new group of friends, and that's scary. It's scary that I don't have any money, and that I might have to move back up here if that doesn't change. So I just keep chanting that everything WILL be fine, because I am supposed to move on and develop and evolve. Life is like that.
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